Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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