I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
