How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i've created a new STD.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
