pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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