You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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