Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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