All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
