I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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