i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
