can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
