The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
