Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
