I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
