I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
