Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
