Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
