dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
