I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
