Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dear god my vagina.
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