you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
