Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
