No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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