I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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