I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
