You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
