he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize