you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
