Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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