Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
