Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
