Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
