i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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