Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
