She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
