At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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