One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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