It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
