Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
