Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
