Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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