you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
