I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
