yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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