Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
