I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
