I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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