Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
