I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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