moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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