I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
