Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
