I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...