Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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