my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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