and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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