We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
