I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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